You know you’re a boater when ….

This blog is inspired by my lunch today, keep with me here folks, I was stood in the office kitchen when all of a sudden, I descended into mad panic, I realised I had the kettle on to make a cup of tea at the same time as my lunch went for a spin in the microwave! I dashed over to flick the kettle off and prevent the inevitable power outage, like the wattage ninjas we boaters are, when I realised I wasn’t aboard, and it was totally reasonable to expect these things to work in tandem, hell throw me an oil heater and a toaster I’ll pop them on to. Of course, this was much to the amusement of colleagues. It got me to thinking of these scenarios we find ourselves in, the you know you’re a boater when scenarios, I thought it was hilarious and decided I simply had to write a blog about it.

So here we have it, you know you’re a boater when …

… You have an appreciation for counting Watts

Well really, I must start with what gave me inspiration for this blog, until today it never really occurred to me. life aboard has made me conscious of the number of appliances I have running and how daily life with electricals is like a game of trip switch buckaroo, load one to many things, or the wrong combination of things and that trip switch will be bucking. To be entirely honest I am totally awful at remembering this at home and will regularly loose the buckaroo game, so quite why this sprung to me in the office today I don’t know, perhaps at nearly two years in I’ve finally gotten wise!

… You demand a bath whenever you stay away from home

James recently surprised me with a trip to Wales, staying in an actual castle, it was beautiful and stunning and such a wonderful surprise, I wrote all about it on here if you’re interested. Want to know what my first question was, as soon as he said pack your bags I’ve booked us a weekend away? Is there a bath? That’s it, I know I’m an ungrateful so and, so aren’t I? I know I am not alone in the boating community by demanding a bath wherever I stay, we went to Anglesey for a four day race weekend last year, I had 6 baths within those four days, you have to make the most of these chances. Before anyone gets on our backs for this, yes, we do have a bath aboard, but I really can’t justify the effort of filling up the water tank, to empty it into a bath for me, it just doesn’t make sense!

… You take your shoes off inappropriately

This one may be a little more unique to us, but we do not have carpet aboard, dogs, men, towpaths and carpets I think are a nightmare combination. When it comes to visiting somewhere with carpet, it doesn’t matter if that place is a pub, I’m slipping a shoe off to place my sockies on carpet. Carpet rocks, and you only realise it when you don’t have it. My friend recently installed new carpets at her house, I pretend I’m going to see her a lot, really I’m going to walk on that cloud of a carpet!

… You grade your rubbish on its burning quality

Now before you start Green Peace sit down, I’m not talking about tyres here, I’m talking paper and cardboard and other general combustibles that can be used to get your fire going (Desperate times in the past have called for old pairs of trousers). To land dwellers rubbish is just rubbish right? As boaters we are opened up to this whole new world of garbage grading. My personal favourite? Egg boxes! They are just brilliant, you can build them into fire starting bombs as I call them, and honestly if I were more entrepreneurial I’d work out a way to sell them.

… You spend half of your income replacing household items

Whether it’s the time James asked me if I could buy a dog bowl on the way home because Heidi’s was now at the bottom of the canal, the hundreds of pieces of cutlery that have sunk to create a cut Atlantis or those glasses you swore you’d tucked safely away, until getting beached on the cut. Stuff breaks/finds its way to the bottom of the canal a lot, or at least it does for us. We are currently on our third set of cutlery since buying Fantine, so if anyone is unsure what to get us for Christmas, floating cutlery would be super!

These were just the five things that sprung to mind when I thought about you know you’re a boater when. So come on you lovely boater lot, let’s hear yours! You know you’re a boater when …

James & Kirsty

A diary of live aboard life


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