How To Know What’s Right For You

I mentioned recently that in an attempt to get myself more organised I’ve started to live with a bullet journal, really for anyone who hasn’t heard of them and could perhaps do with a bit of help on the organising your life front, check them out, they could be the answer! Anyway I’m not here just to preach about my new found organisation, as a part of my wonderful bullet journal I’ve included a short quote to ponder on each week, where relevant I might include a blog on my thoughts on these quotes. This weeks quote for consideration comes curtesy of Steve Jobs.

‘Your time is limited, don’t waste it living someone else’s life’

This quote came at the perfect time for me, I’m (cough cough, approaching 30, cough cough) in my late twenties which seems to be a time where other peoples choices and lives are thrown in your face, it’s very easy, especially thanks to the rise in social media, to panic. Panic that you might not be doing enough, that you might be doing the wrong thing, or that you haven’t achieved what you should of. Spoiler alert, if I’m feeling this how many other people must be? In truth does anyone know what they’re doing, or are we all bumbling along hoping we have it right?

I’m at the point now where a lot of people are hitting their big life goals, engagements, first houses, weddings and babies, there is a lot of big life changing stuff going on, and it can be hard not to be swept up in all of that. It’s even harder to take a step back and look at things logically, with all of this going on and everything being thrown at you, you can start to doubt what you’re doing, that you haven’t done enough.

Should we be saving for a house? Should we actually get round to planning our wedding? Should we be having kids? In short … No. We have a home, even if it isn’t the conventional style (Still gets more likes than yours on Instagram though if that’s your thing), there are so many other things we want to do that come before our need to actually have a wedding, and kids well we can’t even stand being in the same germ filled room as them let alone want our own.

I’m currently in the process of buying my cough cough third cough cough horse, only this one is going to be a proper size, it’s a big step and big commitment which has me worried more than ever that I might be doing the wrong thing. That was until this morning when I opened the new week page on my bullet journal and saw the quote I had tasked myself with considering this week.

My sister sent me a snippet of a home video the other week, where I was riding round the garden on my dads shoulders, aged four, shouting at him (Had the sass from an early age) for not trotting round like a horsey ‘Horses don’t do that Dad!’ I remarked. Brushing, walking and loving a little Shetland called domino at my Aunts stables is one of my earliest and fondest memories, along with being hoisted up onto her palomino Arthur. I’d always dreamed of having my own and now I find myself in a position where I am able to afford one, financially, time wise and mentally, I should be excited, not doubting that the money and effort could be better spent on organising our wedding or towards a traditional home. Never through the years growing up did I imagine my wedding and never did I imagine having kids, they’re not a big feature in my life so why this feeling that they are boxes that I must tick?

Sometimes it can take going back to our upbringings to remember what is actually important to us. If that wedding, or a new build features in that good for you, go for it, but if they didn’t don’t allow yourself to feel like they are essential to a life well lived. James and I have been engaged for nearly two years now, we have no plan to get married, although we regularly get asked when we will, the answer? When there are significant tax benefits and when we’ve done the other things we want to.

As I opened this I said I’m not about to preach, and I’m really not, up until this morning I was in that state of mind, that doubting what I’m doing and how other people are progressing vs me, it’s so unimportant.

I read the quote and thought, nice idea, but in reality?

Whilst I said that remembering what we dreamed of as a child can help, we all grow, we all change, if you’d asked me at four what I was going to do when I grew up, the answer would probably have been a vet, I now can think of nothing worse. I also lived for egg and spoon races and huge slides, you don’t see me working towards the Olympic egg and spoon race team or applying for a job with Google so I can slide between office floors.

I then opened up my email, sorting the spam from the weekend, great news from the national lottery sat among it, we’ve won a lucky dip for Wednesday, fab! This was the penny drop moment for me. If you won the lottery next weekend, how do you see your life changing? Even if you’re not a regular player if you somehow received a sum which allowed you to change your life, how would you change your life?

Ok it would be quick and easy to say pack the job in, but what would you do, I think very few people can actually exist without some kind of purpose, even if that purpose is to buy a dream car and drive the south of France. Stepping back and thinking this way opens up what you are passionate about, and perhaps in turn how you should be living your life. I’m sure you won’t see this in any psychology papers, but it’s a method that works for me.

At that moment the quote hit me, not once did my day dreams float to big wedding or children, admittedly they did think about a house, but the sort of house that would allow both James and I our dreams, me a stable with a couple of horses and land, the ability to ride every day, for him a workshop for his cars, the sort of house which would take a lot of saving for. Sometimes it’s as simple as re-evaluating your life in a different way which enables you to focus on what actually matters to you, what you want from your life and this should in turn shape what you’re aiming for, not your Instagram feeds or news from friends.

Now this does not mean that you should change how you view those achievements, as I mentioned I’m really not a fan of children, have never wanted my own (If you tell me I will change my mind I will scream in your face). My best friend is currently pregnant and I am beyond excited, she’s going to be the most incredible mum (Although I am gutted she won’t have as much energy to mother me!). What is it that I’m trying to get at here? Realising your goals and deciding to live your own life does not mean you should scoff at other peoples. Last weeks quote ‘The really great man is the man who makes every man feel great’ I’m not banging on at her about why are you having a kid when you could have a pony, an actual pony! It’s her life, it’s her goals, I know exactly how much having this baby will mean to her and I am so so so excited and happy for her. I guess what I’m getting at is that in realising what you want from your life, don’t go pooping on other peoples. (That is unless you are saving for a house when you could be saving for a narrowboat you fools!) (Joking) (Kind of).

‘Your time is limited, don’t waste it living someone else’s life’

Realise what you really want your life to say about you, take a bit of time out to really think about what you want in the limited time you have. Do not waste that time chasing the milestones you’re ‘supposed’ to reach, do not waste that time trying to fit in with someone or an ideal that you just don’t fit with. Waste some of that time discovering what you want, trust me that’s the easy bit, working out how to achieve it is when things get trickier, how exactly am I going to fit in work, home, life, two dogs and three horses, well I have a plan(ish) or for my best friend how is she going to raise an actual human, that’s definitely the difficult bit.

‘Your time is limited, don’t waste it living someone else’s life’

James & Kirsty A diary of live aboard life

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