How to live mortgage free – Thanks to the delusional Mrs Beeny

Now I’m not one to moan, nor should you become confused that we are now a TV guide blog, but we wanted to take a moment to post about the comical ‘How to live mortgage free’.

I got in late last night and James had popped Sarah Beeny’s latest Channel 4 offering, How to live mortgage free, on. Great, I thought, time to hear the inventive and clever ways people have found of living with little to no mortgage, much as we desired with the Living Narrow dream.

Whilst I am not trying to claim for a minute that Living Narrow is a mega low cost way of living. In fact I read an article the other day which pushed the ‘low cost’ associated with living on a narrow boat, saying how you could pick up a 70ft narrow boat for just £25,000 and the costs of living would be just £3,000 a year … hmmm good luck with that, although it was in the Daily Mail so I should of expected it really. Click here for a more realistic look at what Living Narrow costs

Whilst with Fantine we are not living Mortgage free (We have a small amount of finance against the boat to enable us to afford to purchase it), within five years this will be paid off and the living costs will reduce and I guess by rights we will be living mortgage free.

So can you really blame me for thinking that this wonderful programme would contain crazy and alternative ideas which would see wonderful ways of living and different lifestyles and approaches.

How wrong I was, the show was quite frankly laughable! Sarah Beeny did teach us 5 easy ways to live mortgage free, I have saved you an hour of your life (which you could spend sticking cocktail sticks in your eyes … would be far more enjoyable … although to be fair if you fancy an irritating laugh along give it a shot) and summarised her marvelous tips below:

  1. Get a boyfriend – But not just any boyfriend. James can drive cars quickly round a track but that isn’t going to help me to live mortgage free. No you need a boyfriend who is a carpenter, who has well off parents, who are willing to give you land to build a house on, he can then spend an inordinate amount of time building said house. Maybe it’s best to find a rich carpenter whose family will give you land, and who can afford to not work for months while he builds your house.

    giphy
    DO NOT LET THAT CARPENTER OUT OF YOUR SIGHT
  2. Benefit from the housing market – Mrs Beeny had a wonderful idea of how to live mortgage free … if you brought a 5 bedroom house in rural Bedfordshire in the 1980’s for 99p and sold it today for £1,000,000 you could make a profit who would of thought it? You could in turn use that profit to buy some of our beautiful Green Belt land and build a house on it … By golly get this woman knighted!

    Using-Time-Machine-83794
    JAMES READY THE TIME MACHINE
  3. Ask Mum and Dad – You were born an a 400 acre farm? If you’re good and ask Mum and Dad nicely they may gift you with a few acres to build your own slice of heaven on, just think this could save you over £300,000 in land buying costs!

    Please
    PLEEEEEASE
  4. Build your own – If you buy land and then build on it you can get a bigger house for less than you would pay on the open market … Let’s do the calculations someone on there brought land for £300,000.00 and only spent £350,000.00 building a house which wait for it would have cost £900,000.00 to buy on the market … Oh wait you have to be rich already for this to work *sad face*.I'm rich
  5. Shop saavy – Beeny quite genuinely tried to make a point over the fact that a couple on the show brought their kitchen appliances over a few years when they saw one for sale cheaply … So by buying a fridge for £50 instead of £250 that’s £200 you’ve knocked off the cost of buying the land and building your own house for £650,000 only another £649,800 to go … Good one Beenster bet the money saving expert is quaking in his boots!hmc

I do actually like Sarah Beeny and the shows she does are normally great, but I couldn’t help but sit with a massive eye roll for the entire show! No inventive ways of living just a life lesson to us all … If you’re loaded you can live mortgage free … who would of thought it!

 

Happy Thursday! James & Kirsty

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