Narrowboat Stove – What kind of witchcraft is this?

“So I took to being the hunter gatherer and built the best fire you have seen, it was like a game of fire making jenga in the stove. And by golly it took! We had fire! Warm fire! Warm to the point of my god it’s hot in here open the doors fire! Woohoo success … Now time to hope I can replicate it the next time we are on the the boat!” Narrow Boat Stoves – Man Vs Fire

Well I only went and cursed it didn’t I! Whilst on night three I succeeded in creating the warmest fire known to mankind, I haven’t been able to replicate this since. Which begs the question what kind of witchcraft is this?

We have fire lighters, kindling, newspapers, logs and also recently restocked smokeless coal.


Whilst one thing has been gleaned during this process, coal is mega bucks! I mean I know it comes in a golden bag but that doesn’t mean you can charge gold like prices for it! We have therefore decided to be naughty all year so Santa can fund all our warmth needs for next year, or be extra good so we get shares in a gold mine, I’ll take either Santa.


Even the dogs have taken to running away when we attempt fire lighting, I can only imagine two reasons for this:

  1. They are ashamed to acknowledge our terrible terrible warmth creation ‘skills’.
  2. They are terrified we may sacrifice them in an attempt to please the fire creation Gods.

Both of these thoughts have crossed my mind, so no doubt have crossed theirs too! However we carry on in the vain hope that the fire making gods will look down on us and take pity on our tireless efforts to please them. So as the wonderful feeling of evening warmth can return.

Aside from this happening, there are again only two feasible options:

  1. We succumb to the cold and accept life with 200 layers.
  2. We arrange a sacrifice to the fire gods at the weekend!

A struggling to type through frostbite, James & Kirsty

2 thoughts on “Narrowboat Stove – What kind of witchcraft is this?

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